The human mind is often so complex we are unaware of how we
react the way we do: in one such instance, the anger that comes from being
confronted by a fault of one’s own. This has often occurred in my life,
directly affecting me. I will calmly tell a person that they have hurt my
feelings by an action of their own, and be rebuffed with an immense amount of
anger and resentment.
Why is it that when you confront someone on their wrong –doings
that they must point out all of your own faults and mistakes. It doesn’t seem quite far to me that when I am
being calm with someone (or, in cases, someone is being calm with me- for I am
not devoid of fault in this) they rebuttal with accusations and harsh words,
often yelling that can be accompanied by profanity. I am not a psychologist,
psychiatrist, or one of any profession of the sort- but I have studied much
psychology, in college and on my own. I am uncertain if this behavior is sociological
or psychological. It seems to me to be a bit of both.
Most people have experienced this behavior on one end or the
other of their life- Which leads me to believe it is a social pattern. However,
when you think on the psyche, this behavior is a model of repression,
projection and guilt.
Sociologically, this may be a repeat pattern, from person to
person- from friends, families and neighbors. If the group of people you are surrounded
by act in a certain way, you are most definitely apt to respond in kind. The
only way the pattern can be broken is if one person or more persons choose to
negate from the set path. That goes for any social pattern.
The person being confronted is often left floundering for an
excuse for their poor behavior, wanting to blame everything – everyone- but
themselves. That leads to the person
projecting their feelings of guilt onto the person confronting them. As humans,
we are highly emotional and tend to overreact on the smallest matters. Such is
the nature of our existence. It takes a
trained mind to remain rational when you have done something you know to be
wrong but don’t want to admit to it. We tend to fight it with every fiber of
our being, like a survival instinct.
What I want to go is how we solve the problem of being
overly emotional. I know it is natural to have emotions, but how to keep them
under control if when pointing out (kindly) the fault in people only makes them
more irate?
-Ashley Lang
How very true. I was thinking about this recently in fact. It seems so hard sometimes...because you want to tell them how you feel, because after all if they find out how you felt about it later and didn't tell them then they might be very upset...and yet if you let them know ahead of time they will frequently end up defensive.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I had a lot of issues with this in the beginning of our marriage, still do sometimes but it is sooo much better. It helps when I remind myself how easily I also can turn the situation to be "about me" when I shouldn't...and have to remember to do my best to leave other issues out of the present situation.