Productive.

 Worked on my photos from my last photoshoot, cleaned my apartment, made this blog, made a tumblr, read, dyed my hair, blah blah blah.


 So, I figured if I'm going to start a blog, I'm going to do it right! I will post what I wrote and had printed on the front page of my school newspaper!


Coming Out by Ashley Lang

  I am so glad that the state I live in, the great state of New York, allows me to marry the woman of my dreams some day. I feel awful that most others are not granted that right. Frankly, it makes me sick to my stomach. We have hearts, souls and feelings just like the rest of the population. Why is it that we cannot love who we choose to? 

 Lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgendered people have been prosecuted throughout the ages. They have been seen as deranged, second class citizens. We have been beaten, berated, and begrudged for most of our lives. It is rare that one can “come out of the closet” in peace in harmony. So often children are shunned by their parents, family members and peers for being honest about whom they are. Why, as a civilization can we not see past a person’s sexual orientation or gender? Why can we not love them for the person they are, not for what’s between their legs or whom they happen to love? I wish I had all of the answers, but I, for the life of me, cannot comprehend the hate some people have in their hearts for people who just happen to be a little different from them. We all inhabit this Earth as one race, the human race. To hate someone for being gay is a kin to hating someone for the color of their eyes, skin or hair. It has such little meaning. I propose we come together, untie, and have love for whom ever we meet.

 My “coming out” story was easier than what most people have to go through. Yes, it was hard, and continues to be, but I no longer hold resentment for how people react(ed) to the news. Hating someone for their wrongful actions does not make the world a better place. Tolerance is the key. Growing up, I had no idea I was different from anyone else. I thought all little girls played house together. I thought it was okay to want to play with Legos and not Barbies. I had no idea that kissing girls on the playground was different or wrong. Not until I grew older did I realize that how I acted, who I was, differed from the “norm.”

 I remember, clear as yesterday, being around seven years old and talking to my mother about the “boy” I would marry some day. My mother, who has always had an open, loving mind said to me, “Or the girl you marry.” That stopped me dead in my tracks. How did she know what I was thinking? How could she have any idea? My little seven year old mind reacted with fear and disgust. I said, “Ew! Mom! That is so icky and totally wrong! Who would do that!?” I felt a little piece of myself fade away as I denied who I was.

 When I was around 14-15 years old my sister confronted me about my being gay. I was sitting in my bedroom, listening to music when she walked in. She sat down on my bed with me and looked me dead in the eyes; her face was serious and accusing. She asked me, “Ashley, do you like girls?” I froze. Where would she have come up with that idea? I had no clue. I turned my head away and kept quiet. “You can tell me, you know, I won’t say anything.”, She said. I started crying. Not just a few tears, but big gasping sobs. I pleaded, “Please don’t tell mom or anyone else! PLEASE!” As is my sister’s style, she told my whole family, down to the aunts, uncles and cousins, as well as all of her friends. It was earth shattering. My whole world had come apart. In my mind, the only thing to do was to deny her allegations. I went back into the closet. 

 It took me years of self exploration, coming in and out of the closet, and a big dose of reality to admit my sister and mother were right. I loathed myself for it. I was royally pissed off that I was different from everyone else. Why couldn’t I just be normal? Because I have never been “normal”, I’m erratic, artistic, loving and caring, and just a plain nut ball. But, I am also a lesbian. Think what you will, form your own opinion, but never judge me for who I happen to love, because I love you all no matter what.

 Whoever is reading this, if you happen to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender- You are NOT alone. Things do get better, and you learn to love yourself. People will come around, or you will find new people who love you for who you are. Do not lose faith in mankind. You are loved.